Aya's Realm

Sorry for another morning

2009-11-01T22:51:00.003+01:00

君はもう目が覚めないのに
私は今日、目が覚めてごめん。

君はもう何も食べないのに
私は今日、ものを食べてごめん。

君はもう笑わないのに
私は今日笑ってごめん。

君はもうこの世にいないのに
私は今日も生きていってごめん。

You won't open your eyes anymore
and I'm sorry for opening mine today.

You won't eat anything anymore
and I'm sorry for eating today.

You won't laugh anymore
and I'm sorry for laughing today.

You are not alive anymore
and I'm sorry that I still am.

Another Bad Dream

2009-07-21T10:41:00.003+02:00

今日はまた、悪い夢を見てしまいました。

私は若い黒人の女性でした。
黒人の彼氏も連れて、友達とカラオケに行って盛り上がり

でも・・
トイレに行ったら、知らずに彼氏も後ろついてきて
ロームに入ったら私を殴り始めた。
顔に、お腹に、背中、足。
強く強く、私を殴った。
そして私は無力で何もできなかった。

彼が出た後に、私もカラオケの部屋へ帰ったけど、誰も私のはれた、泣きぬれた顔を気付くことはしなかった。我慢できなくてまたトイレで隠して
誰かの足音を聞いた。怖くて怖くて小さくなったけど、
入ってきたのは、幼馴染の男の子。
「どうしたの？？」って
開放的で、私は全部話しながら泣いて泣いて苦しくなって

その瞬間に目が覚めた。
息苦しくて,　ハット息を呑もうとしているところでした。
そしてホッペに涙が。

あんなにリアルな体験で
自分も驚きました。
愛している人にぶっ飛ばされる気持ち、
パンチよりも辛かった気がします。

Trust and Betrayal

2009-07-21T00:18:00.002+02:00

この世には
自分の全てをあげるぐらい
心から信用できる人というのはいるでしょう。

何があっても
絶対に裏切ったりしないと知っている。

何があっても
絶対に失望させないと知っている。

何があっても
悲しませたりはしないと知っている。

その人がいると昔は思っていました。
でももう子供ではない。

私たち人間は結局
この世に一人です。
みんながいながら
みんなが一人ぼっちです。

結局
頼れる人というのは、
自分自身しかいない。

気分悪いから話したくない

2009-06-20T19:17:00.002+02:00

世界が自分を中心にして回る。
でも君もこの世界に入れてあげようか。

こんな愛じゃ要らない

Unforgotten, Unforgiven

2009-03-29T14:26:00.005+02:00

彼氏に言われた、忘れられないことがあります。

それは今年のお正月の頃に。
彼が少し酔っ払って一緒にのシャワーから降りた場面。

「君の嫌いなところ言おうかな。いや、言わない方がいいよね。けどやっぱこれだけ言うよ：君の嫌なところは中身じゃない」

ですと。
外見にしか頼りにしない、浅い人。それは私の頭の中に浮かぶ印象。
許せない。
こんな彼氏のはずじゃなかったのに。

人生に大事な事

2009-01-14T15:22:00.002+01:00

何が大事か　　何が必要か

私たち人間のこの人生の中で
その答えを求めて生きてゆく。

私はけっしてそれを理解したというわけではない。
でも今この私には支えてくれることはある。
それは・・・
人に思う気持ち。
そして、人に思われる気持ち。

それだけで充分。それだけが大事。

Perfectly Wrong

2008-11-22T18:20:00.004+01:00

There is no perfect person in this world.

Yet, there are enough who think to be.

My boyfriend loves to stress how he always tries to improve himself. He calls it "polishing".
For me, trying to improve oneself is trying to be a better person, trying to understand someone else's feelings or giving your best at whatever work you're doing.
For him though, it means mainly to care about your appearance. What style somebody represents, what kind of accessory you wear or how much you weight. Everytime he sees my unbelieving look, he likes to add things like accept challenges, but in the end, I know he doesn't mean it.

I don't think I have a bad style. I mean, I do not walk around messy. I wear earpiercings, have a tattoo, sometimes only light make-up. And I'm feeling fine the way I am.
My boyfriend though tells me on every occasion to "polish" myself.
I'm so tried of it that I, even if I just hear the sound of that word, start crying. What does he want? Making me into one of this japanese little girls who adapt everything their boyfriends tell them? He once told me, that the day we met, he thought my outfit was horrible, but since I had potential, he started dating me; believing, that I'd change.
So the me just the way I am is not enough huh.
I guess the moment I heard these words, something in me just started to hate him.

I'm tired to have to explain myself to my boyfriend for being who I am.
He thinks he understands me. But he does not. No matter how hard I try to explain.

Can there really be such a hollow person? And why did I fall in love with him?
I really wish I didn't...

Silbermond - Symphonie

2008-11-22T13:25:00.002+01:00

Silbermond （銀月）・シンフォニー

私たちなんでこんな風になったか言ってくれない？
君は急に見知らぬ人になったんだ
君が抱きしめてくれる時にはなんでもぅ気持ちよくないの？
私たちはどうなるか、もぅ大事なことなくなっちゃったよね
君はどこに行ったの？なかなか見えなくなったんだ
私たちのプライドは立ちはだかるね
全て冒そうとしたんでしょう？お互いを裏切ったかもね
一緒に本当に全てを絶えられるんだと信じてた

シンフォニー・今私たちの周りは静かになってきた
この雨の中に立っててもうなにもあげることはない
君が去っていくのは一番いいかも
私たちはいけないと認め合う時期が来た
もう話し合うことはない
そしてこうして雨が降ると諦める方がましでしょう

そして私たちの間の静かさは深めていく
君の口から出てくる言葉はもう一語も解らない
私たちやってみすぎたかな？
なんで予想できなかったのかな？
これを認めることは難しいことになるでしょう

シンフォニー・今私たちの周りは静かになったんだ
この雨の中に立っててもうなにもあげることはない
私たちは会わないと認め合う時期が来た
もう話し合うことはない
そしてこうして雨が降ると諦める方がましでしょう

私たちはどこかで失敗したんだね
今のままには続けられないもんね
私たちの終わりはもう遠くから書かれた
そしてこれだったんだ、私たちの

シンフォニー・今私たちの周りは静かになったんだ
この雨の中に立っててもうなにもあげることはない
私たちは会わないと認め合う時期が来た
もう話し合うことはない
そしてこうして雨が降ると諦める方がましでしょう

氷になりたい

2008-11-22T13:04:00.002+01:00

心・・・・
痛い

心なんてなければ良かったのに

大丈夫だと言ってほしい
なにがあっても追い出されないと言って

Ｃｒｕｅｌ　Ｉｎｔｅｎｔｉｏｎｓ

2008-10-13T21:10:00.002+02:00

私、裏切られたかな。

愛している人に愛されたい。
そして愛されていると思った。

でも・・・
その人が企ていた、出会ってからずっと。

私を自分の理想の様に変わろうとしていた。
そして私が盲目、何も気付かなかった。

でも何もなかったふりをしないで。
私を変わろうとしないで。

私のことが大好きと言っているのに、
ずっと一緒にいたいと言っているのに、
なんで勝手すぎなものを求めているの？
なんで私を泣かせるの？

私が私であるために愛してくれないかな。

うん。
君に裏切られた。
そして自分を裏切った。
最大に。

Catch the Tiger

2008-05-10T09:45:00.003+02:00

He'll never agree.

No, I can convince him to do it.

How?

The same way I get anybody to do anything.
I find out what he's emotionally invested in
... and I exploit it.

Lost TV Series

Charlie's not lost anymore

2008-05-10T08:36:00.008+02:00

The five best moments of my sorry-excuse-life...
My Greatest Hits:

#5 the first time I heard myself on the radio.
#4 Dad teaching me to swim at Butlins.
#3 the Christmas Liam gave me the ring.
#2 woman outside Covent Garden calls me a hero.
#1 the night I met you.

Lost TV Series
Wallpaper by Aya

ここにいるよ　・　Soulja

2008-05-09T16:55:00.005+02:00

Baby Boy, I'm right here waiting, not going anywhere
You know that I love you, so don't worry
No matter how far apart we are, this heart won't change
You understand what I'm trying to say, right?
I'll wait for you

"This clumsy me and the far-off you
You slipped away without me telling you
what I actually wanted to tell you
What's left of you now are only pictures in an album
Now we can only meet through the cell phone
but I can't see your smile
You're warmth, the scent of your hair
My thirst remains unstilled
In the middle of these on-going days
I desperately searched for your trace
But on this way that we used to walk together
It's the footsteps of me alone resounding
But more important, are you fine? Are you eating properly?"
Shit, I can't say it after all
I'll send it to you next time, this letter of mine

"The words I wanna say to you who I first saw at the Kamakura Beach
surrounded by the waves
It's somehow really sad, I'm a man but yet...
The words just won't come out
Do you remeber? When we went to karaoke, I inserted that song
I actually wanted to tell you those words
that appeared on the monitor
The day we first met only the two of us
We were as excited as we'd just met by chance
I can't forget that smiling you
You understand that I just play around like a storyteller, right?
The words I wanna say.."
Shit, have no place left to write
Sorry, I'll send the next one up for sure

"If I was just a little bit richer, if I just had a more decent job
If I could just sacrifice everything, I would for sure make you...
But please just don't misunderstand
I don't wanna make you feel lonely
Still I'm busy and we can't talk that much
Baby believe, all this is for our future
But to be honest, I want to meet with you right away
Wanna hold you close right now
On this seat where you used to sit right by my side
There is no one anymore
But that's actually not important, that's not what I wanna say
It's late, but what I wanted to say to you all this time"
I'll write them down now and send it up, this unsent letter

"Baby Girl, I'm right here waiting, not going anywhere
You know that I love you, so don't worry
No matter how far apart we are, this heart won't change
I can say it now without hesitation
I don't ever wanna let you go"

SoulJa ft. Thelma Aoyama - Koko ni iru yo
Pic: Graffiti in Switzerland, Zurich, CecCe Areal

Selfish Little Love

2008-04-08T18:04:00.008+02:00

できれば
ずっと側に支えてあげたい
できれば
彼だけのサンクチュアリになりたい
できれば
私の全部の愛をあげてみたい

もし彼が感激に震えるほどの綺麗な夕日を見ているとしたら
その瞬間に
彼の想いにいたい
「あぁ。これ、あいつに見せてあげたかったな」と

もし彼が始めて涙を流すほどの切ないラブソングを聞いているとしたら
その瞬間に
彼の想いにいたい
「あぁ。これ、あいつに聞かせてあげたかったな」と

もし彼が晴れの日に涼風に優しく囲まれているとしたら
その瞬間に
彼の想いにいたい
「あぁ。今あいつと一緒にいられたらいいな」と

それだけだ。
なんてわがままな物かしら
私の愛は

Photo by Aya-chan, Nov07 at Yuigahama

雷

2008-01-24T14:55:00.000+01:00

俺・何かな

私のヒーローだよ

あぁ。悪くねぇな

カミナリ走ル夏

愛せずに

2008-01-10T16:38:00.000+01:00

緊張して一本に火を付けながら

タバコまた吸い始めたよね
「元気だったの」と
一見して分かると思うけど
俺、あれから丈夫に生きてきたんだ
黙ってて眼を下ろしながら
新しい彼ともう離れたよね
君はいつもこうなっちゃう
長く誰かの側にいられなくて
今でもとても綺麗な顔がしているけど
それには何もの価値がないんだ
だって
君が愛情なんか帯らない
俺へも、誰でもへも
君が愛情なんか帯らない
君を惜しむにはもう意味ないんだ
君が愛情なんか帯らないから
君を忘れる事が難しくなかった
君が愛情なんか帯らないから
絶望した眼で、偽そうな笑顔で
こういう君を見るのは初めて
「また逢えるかな」と
でももう戻られない
君には俺が必要ではない
だって
君が愛情なんか帯らない
俺に対してでも誰でもに対してでも

Echt - Du trägst keine Liebe in dir

涙の温度

2008-01-06T07:09:00.000+01:00

「誰だって皆同じさ・運が悪かっただけさ」と
気休めの言葉の一つなんて何の役にも立たない　そんな夜
抱きしめてあげるよ、この歌で
泣き疲れたら　眠ればいい
傷口は二人でうめればいい
僕だって強くないし　
思うよりずっと細い
悲しかったらその分を泣いてあっていい
そしてその涙の温度はずっと忘れない
だから僕らはもう何も怖くない
何も怖くない

シド・涙の温度

次郎・エンジン
写真・鎌倉、１１月、Aya-chan

プロデューサーの心の中

2007-12-11T12:46:00.002+01:00

あのさ、俺プロデュース止めたいんだ。
えぇ、なんで？
苦しすぎるから。
苦しすぎる？
彼女は皆のものになるのは苦しい。
はぁ、どういうこと？
彼女を俺だけのものにしたい。
本当は誰かに見られる事でも嫌なんだよ。

Züri West - Fingt ds Glück eim

2007-09-15T17:34:00.000+02:00

いつもいつか着くでしょう。
いつもいつか歩き続くでしょう。
どんなに深い海を渡ってもいつもいつか着くでしょう。
どこか誰かが何かに踏んで扉が開いてる。
いつか運は貴方を見つける。
駐車所の時かも。そして急にまた家の匂いがする。
いつか自分が誰かと知るようになる。
いつか自分の居場所ちゃんと分かるさ。
そして誰かがテーブルにあるあなたのカップ
の隣に二つ目のカップを置くよ。
いつか運は貴方を見つける。
バス停の時かも。そして急にまた家の匂いがする。

Bensch - Sorry

2007-09-07T23:13:00.000+02:00

Give me time, air to breathe. I need to go on, won't give in. Cherished our time and learned a lot, but we've been walking way too far on this wrong road. Need my peace and space for myself. Everything's gonna be alright, just don't let anyone ever again treat you the way I did. Sorry for my doings and mistakes. Sorry for the fights and complaints. I wish I could act differently, wish I could relax but it's getting on me. Hate myself for this. Wish I could turn back time and do it otherwise. You don't have to shout anymore, don't have to wake up with troubles. Sorry that I really mean it. Sorry that it's not working anymore. Loved you but it's passed. I've reached a point where I have to go. Sorry that it's not possible anymore. Sorry that I can't be happy with you. Loved you but the love burned away. It has to be, I put an end to it now. I need freedom or I'll suffocate. Have to go out, get away from you. You know I must, so please smile a bit. I see your tears, hear your sobbing. Don't be ashamed, the only shame is that I can't take you in my arms anymore and console you. The feelings are vanished, I really can't get any closer. Sorry that I need to go now. Sorry that I know it's hard. Can't handle your clinging anymore. Believe me, there's another person for you. I'm still young, wanna try my chances, search for more. Need to leave you behind and close this door while I yet ask myself whether there's any love left. Think I got used to you too much. It's destroying everything, I only see what I don't like about you, your faults and flaws. Nothing's good, only negative things. Sorry that I can't get rid of these thoughts. Sorry that I don't want your love. Think we don't have anything to talk about anymore and if, we only get louder and louder. This is not the only reason, but I go now, don't see us as one anymore. D'like to stay but something's pulling me away.
Sorry that the love is gone

Reba's looking out of the window

2007-08-24T00:21:00.000+02:00

She married when she was twenty
She thought she was ready
Now she's not so sure
She thought she'd done some living
But now she's just wonderin'
What she's living for
Now she's feeling that there's something more
Is there life out there?
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home?
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares?
She doesn't want to leave, she's just wonderin'
Is there life out there?
She's always lived for tomorrow
She's never learned how
To live for today
She's dyin' to try something foolish
Do something crazy
Or just get away
Something for herself, for a change
Would she do it the same as she did back then?
She looks out the window and wonders again
Is there life out there?
She doesn't wanna leave, she's just wonderin'
Is there life out there?

Another brick in the wall

2007-08-20T16:01:00.000+02:00

Never cried
always lied
to myself
on this heart's shelf
arranged one by one
thoughts never gone
Never cleared
always feared

And forever not able to change
the same old situation

20 years

2007-08-14T00:04:00.000+02:00

a fickle age, changing from one experience, one opinion to the next. not yet seriously thinking about the future. falling madly in love at first sight, playing hide and seek with emotions. and things pop out of the mind as fast as they hop in.
At twenty, you're allowed, you're supposed to play around with the games of love. Worries will there be waiting enough in the future, so don't bother them now.

Is this reason enough for our unreasonable doing?
Or is it a plain but welcome excuse to justify what I can't justify otherwise?

Kaoru Amane's Love

2007-08-10T20:25:00.000+02:00

夢の無い人生に
一体何の意味があるんだ？
愛する人の無い人生に
一体何の希望があるんだ？

出来れば悲しい想いなんてしたくない
でもやってくるでしょう？
その時でも、君のかっこうよくない
優しさに合えたよかったよ

Ryo's White Nights

2007-07-31T12:07:00.000+02:00

Someone told me that there is not only one sun. But as night falls, another light is emerging and shining upon us. And then, night becomes day. These are the "white nights", dedicated to those who can't walk under the sun.
So tell me now, are these white nights... daytime given to you or stolen nights? The sun that shines at night... is it evil or good?

Photo by Aya-chan, July07

久しぶりの気持ち

2007-07-16T19:50:00.000+02:00

I feel attracted by a guy these days. It's been some time since I last did. And ironically, it's about the same situation... I meet him unexpectedly, we spend some cool time together and then he disappears again.
I must say it really did good. Talking, laughing, making stupid things with him. I realised I really missed that. Well, I have my friends to hang out with and they're all great, no question, but still... the butterflies feel good, don't they?

Anyway, he is gone again. And by the time I got over the fact that he can't be mine, I'll be happy to have encountered him. And cherish him as a memory I wouldn't want to miss for all the fortune in the world.

Spontania's Firework

2007-07-10T21:24:00.001+02:00

Since when don't you dance anymore in the middle of the rain?
Since when have you forgotten the heart that flew high into the sky?
Since when don't you try to count the countless stars anymore?
Since when have the glimpses of the fireworks disappeared?
Since when did you forgot to laugh out loud so innocently?
Since when do you feel lonely when the night falls?
Since when don't you look up into the sky anymore?
Since when have you gotten used to giving up?
Since when have you noticed the dim light of the fireflies?
Has the wish you made to the shooting star been fulfilled? Has your heart been freed from the burdens? How much time has passed since then? What happened to that wish?
Don't let all the smiles, the laughter, the tears be in vain. Just because you've grown up, it does not mean that you aren't a child anymore. You have it in you, you know... the pure starlight you feel you've been loosing step by step and searching for ever since.

Screenshot from Micro of DefTech - Hana No Uta PV

The Blue Sky of Aqua Timez

2007-07-07T12:41:00.000+02:00

The wind of this city sets the people free to the future. In turn, the people of this city hide their grief in the wind; an ongoing creature that laughs the more the sadder the situation is. Just like today, wildly struggling while carrying hopes. We've learned to hold a strong will, an invisible greatness. Coming this way, we now think we can seriously fight, seriously live. Yet we walk while we tumble, laugh while we cry in the chink between ones own delights and sorrows. Now matter how strong you might be, actually, everyone lives just in the same repetition of despair and hope.
We humans always seem to wander through a ocean too blue, through a sky too high.
Living beings are not given weary eternity and that's all the more a reason why we should be able to thoroughly go on living. There's more than one kind of strength, more than one kind of gentleness. And so I continue to stumble through my limited time, meeting many different mes.
We humans always seem to wander through a ocean too blue, through a sky too high.

Tokio`s　Phonograph

2007-06-28T19:11:00.000+02:00

This rotating record, drawing only hollow days, is slowly sinking into my hearts cells, approaching the past, which you had foretold, without notice. Even though I want to become one with you, we drift apart. We, who search for the suns rays, only repeat our meaningless smiles. And another hollow sunday has passed.
If we only could just express everything, how easy would it be. But we gently hid our true hearts. Because what we were searching for that day, was a bit different from a farewell, wasn't it? I still can't tell what is precious and what not. I can only tell that soon, all the unnecessary and disturbing things will vanish. And now, I am only praying that you won't.
If we only could express everything, how easy would it be. Yet, I am still hiding a couple of words. What we held in our arms that day was bigger that anything. And If everyone should be heading into the same direction, then I wanna spend my days, that I feel I saw once already and can't get used to, then I wanna spend these days by your side.

Remioromen Akashia Single Cover

We are only humans (Remioromen)

2007-06-26T10:45:00.000+02:00

They say, on the other side of loneliness' coast, there is a smile.
But what will be waiting there for us, when we reach it?
Not in order to run away, but in order to fulfill a dream
were we supposed to go on this journey, on that summer day long long ago
Even if I have had seen our tomorrow, I still couldn't breath
Like a ship that's running against the stream
I now make my way forward
Even if I already am accustomed to solitude, is the moon shining clear
and I fly away on my wings without feathers
More and more, making my way forward
into a strong... a strong light

Wallpaper by Aya-chan

Buddhas' Advice

2007-06-19T01:01:00.000+02:00

the blossoms' colours are fragrant, but they fade away
in this world of ours, none lasts forever
today, cross the high mountain of lifes illusions
and there will be no more shallow dreaming
no more drunkenness

Just can't tell

2007-06-12T22:03:00.000+02:00

I can't tell why
I can't tell how
I can't tell when
I started to think of you like this
Making me feel sad, making me feel whole
a sweet delirium
a faint confusion
a gentle harm
It's such a strange affection, unrequited love
There is but one thing to say:
Thank you for crossing my way

Poem Of A Floating Dream

2007-06-06T16:55:00.000+02:00

花の色はうつりにけりな
いたずらに我身
世にふるながめせしまに　

(小野の小町、古今集　2:113)

The blossom's color has withered away
and my body is idly passing this world by
while I just gaze upon it

Screenshot of Shonan no Kaze - Suirenka PV

The Choice Not To Choose (19)

2007-05-31T01:00:00.000+02:00

Imagine you'd stand on a high cliff. Your two most important people are on the verge of falling down. Like your mother or a lover or best friend. But you only have the time to save one of them. Who would you go for?

Hmm... I think I would save the one I instinctively think of first. And after I saved this person and can be assured that she's safe... I'd jump off the cliff. So that the other person doesn't have to fall alone.

Words of a Shaman

2007-05-30T00:24:00.001+02:00

Sometimes - life is hard.
Sometimes - life is bliss.
And sometimes, life is just a chain following one event after another.

Your body is connected with the universe; yet it is not.
Your soul includes the entire universe; yet it does not.
That is for me and for everyone.
If you hate someone, you hate yourself.
If you love someone, you love yourself.

But not feeling anything towards anyone - that is the greatest misfortune on this earth.

Do It Like The Funky Monkey Babys!

2007-05-23T00:01:00.000+02:00

真実を掴みかけて　でも信じると裏切られて
そうしても君は何も言わずに微笑んでる　無邪気な瞳　素直なまま
その笑顔に救われた　その笑顔で報われた
そうだ　今から明日へ旅立とう　「今日はありがとう」

大切な事って一体なんだろう？　思ってるより簡単だよ!

No Smile No Life

The Area of Wimps and Crybabies

2007-05-19T22:23:00.000+02:00

Why on earth is it that men don't behave like men?
Why do they mistake girlfriends as mother-replacements?

Just to illustrate:
I was walking along a way with a guy. Suddenly a snake appears, crossing the street. For the record: I've never seen a real snake in nature before. The guy was 6 years older than me.
Anyway, I was like "eek, look at that!" And the guy? He screamed, jumped backwards and hid behind me ¬.¬ And the next day he's showing off telling me he'd do workout everyday... Aha

So, what I wanna know now:
What happened to the Stone Age hunting and protecting instinct all u guys are so proud of?
Why is it that I get phoned up in the middle of the night at least twice a week and have to listen to an adult man crying because his girlfriend was mean?
Why is a man hiding behind my back because a snake is crossing the street?
Why do I have to kill the spider?
Why do they always always ask for my permission or opinion on totally unimportant stuff whereas they actually could just show some determination?
Why are there more persons starring into the mirror and styling themselves in the men's toilet than there are in the women's?
Why do we have to pause every second hour 'cause HE has to pee?
WHY do men, straight men, carry around handbags and wear pink shirts??

Guys
I can't take this serious anymore.
You're on the verge of transforming into pitiful little wimps.
Go Get Emancipated!!

...Tsk

Make A-Way

2007-05-11T15:18:00.000+02:00

Key of Life?

There may be no answer at all
We are all just here
doing what we can

Orange KI-ZU-NA

2007-05-10T00:34:00.000+02:00

涙こぼし合って泣いた夜も　
くだらない話で朝まで笑った日々も
忘れない　
今の私を支える宝物だから
何々を知ったり　何々を知らなかったり　
もう関係ないさ
皆がいつも転がる　広がる　また転がる
見上げれば　ほら　友の声が胸に響いてる
これだけは　消えないさ

一歩　一歩　ただ前へ　一歩　一歩　幅合わせ
転びそうなら　この手を掴め　皆で歌え
一歩　一歩　ただ前へ　一歩　一歩　幅合わせ

Chihiro's Fear

2007-05-01T21:46:00.000+02:00

Gentle things are very scary
So scary that I even start to cry
In order not to hurt anyone
I dance all alone
You know very well
That one day, you'll loose everything
Well to such an extent that you only feel sorrow
So, why do you still intend to live
Even though you can't believe anything anymore?

優しいものはとても怖いから泣いてしまう
誰にも傷が付かないように一人で踊る
失う時がいつか来る事も知ってるよ
あなたは悲しい程
それでもなぜ生きようとするの？
何も信じられないくせに

Cry Baby by Seamo

2007-04-26T22:17:00.000+02:00

夢に向って僕必死だった
うまくいかなくて失敗ばっか
世間の雨は冷たくて誰にも本音言えなくて
そう、思えば、いつも僕は無理に笑ってた
強がってた　気を張ってた　涙こらえてた
Now Cry Baby
今日は我慢せずに泣いてみな　思い切り
洗い流してみれば　素直になれた

悩みないのようなあの大空だって
いつも冷静じゃないよな
けど雨が降ると雲が消えてまた晴れるんだ
そう、僕たちも同じでしょう
泣いた後はそこに光射す
涙が洗い流して素直に笑える
So Cry Baby And Free Your Soul

Shining Return

2007-04-22T12:23:00.000+02:00

For the Heart of a Listener

2007-04-21T01:23:00.000+02:00

Many tears shed
on a taxi drive
on a train
on a flight
Many tears shed
for a fleeting emotion
for a lasting dream
for no reason at all

Why can doing the right thing sometimes feel so bad?
Why can doing the wrong thing sometimes feel so good?

Collective Soul

2007-04-17T12:24:00.000+02:00

There she stumbles, falling to her knees
You'd think she tripped on reality
You'll witness tragic comedies
That's the world in which she leads
Sure you'd walk a million miles
To give her all that she needs
But she would walk a million more
To do what she believes

She'll just sugar kiss you off
and just have another perfect day

It Started With A Kiss

2007-04-13T08:06:00.000+02:00

My heart isn't as big
There only is enough room for one
But I cannot reach this person anymore
Faint memories of a kiss
Have you heard the sound
of loneliness sneaking in and spreading out?
Have you heard the call
of longing silently covering every street?

Eternity In A Memory

2007-04-10T00:29:00.000+02:00

First of all
must go your scent upon my pillow
and then
I'll say Goodbye to your whispers in my dreams
and then
our lips will part in my mind and in my soul
because your kiss
went deeper than my skin

Easter Friday

2007-04-06T18:30:00.000+02:00

The day Jesus got nailed to the cross
Why?
Because his father purposely sent him into sacrifice
He was born to die

I wonder whether Jesus really wanted to be God's son
Did he really die loving him
Or did he deep in his heart curse the man
who caused him so much pain?

Fear the one you Love

2007-04-03T17:34:00.000+02:00

I'm afraid of him.
And I'm afraid of myself.

What I fear deep inside my heart is that
if he finds out
he will leave me.
If my inner most thoughts should be revealed to him
it will chase him away.
Since I am afraid of them myself.
A beautiful bird shouldn't be caged

That's why I hold back.
And wait for the bit attention he grants me from time to time.
Still
I'm so frightened of him to hurt me
even more than he already does

Hand In Hand

2007-03-29T23:45:00.000+02:00

Tears Of Pain, Tears Of Joy
But The One Thing Nothing Can Destroy
Is Our Pride
Deep Inside

We Are More Than We Are

We Are One

The Contract of Love

2007-03-27T12:59:00.000+02:00

I Can Not Save You

For I Myself Am In Need Of Saving Too

What I never had the nerve to ask

2007-03-24T14:03:00.000+01:00

Surrender
every word every thought every sound
Surrender
every touch every smile every frown
Surrender
all the pain we've endured until now
Surrender
all the hope that you lost I have found

Surrender yourself to me

Wallpaper by Aya

Vitamin L(ove)

2007-03-23T00:45:00.000+01:00

There you see her, sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her
And you don't know why but you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

My oh my, look like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment, floating in a blue lagoon
You better do it soon, no time will be better
She don't say a word and she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Don't be scared, you got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Don't stop now, don't try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
So float along, listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
The music play, do what the music say
You've gotta kiss the girl

Stones In The Way

2007-03-20T22:03:00.000+01:00

Obligations here - Obligations there

In this world, you can't escape the bureaucracy this system is drowning you in as soon as you try to open your wings. Instead of creativity and independent thinking, what will be waiting for your concerns is an huge pile of documents one more pointless than the other.
But that's the game. To become a free mind, you first have to pass the maze of regulations. And don't let yourself be deceived; somewhere there always is a document left that you haven't laid an eye on yet. Since the light at the end of the tunnel could also be the one of an arriving train.

Mars

2007-03-17T23:53:00.000+01:00

You know, previously, when someone dear to me cried, I would risk everything to eliminate the sources of their tears. But now... when the one I love cries
... you know...
I just feel helpless and don't know what to do.
At those times, even I feel like crying.
Before I always thought that only people who have nothing to loose can become strong.
But now I've found out that ...
having someone to protect makes you learn the real meaning of being strong.

Illuminate

2007-03-14T15:05:00.000+01:00

If you give up on mankind
You give up on yourself

In order to spend a happy, fulfilled life
we can't help but hold on onto the dim light
inside of every single one of us

Believe in the strength
of your own's
and of mankind's

Since even the dimmest light grants brightness

Billy Talent's Devil

2007-03-13T19:43:00.000+01:00

A devil in the midnight mass

killed the boy inside the man
The holy water in his hands
could not wash away his sins

Hold your breath, then count to four
Pinky swears don't work no more

Put my trust in God that day
not the men who taught his way
I was alive but now I'm singing

Silent Night for the rest of my life
Silent Night for the rest of my life

So hold your breath and count to four

Wallpaper created by Aya

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

2007-03-03T01:53:00.000+01:00

together laughed, together cried
shared the same adventures
little kids matured side by side
an empty room the only trace
the precious memories in my heart
forever not to be forgotten
formed me for the rest of my days

thank you for the time

The most important thing

2007-02-28T01:03:00.000+01:00

How come that so many people don't treat love as the utmost gift we could ever wish for? Is it because they have their eyes closed? And is this why they first have to fall to the ground to discover the most important thing in this world?

For A Friend

2007-02-25T16:54:00.000+01:00

Are you afraid?
Don't be. The world you're living in is chosen by you.
Its flow lies in your hand.

Do you love?
Love yourself. Only then, you can also give this love to others
and stand by it with confidence.

Are you happy?
Be brave. Happiness is coming to the ones who have
the courage to fight for it.

Did you forget?
Cherish your memories. Family, friends, lovers, passersby
Everything you experience will grant you strength.

Do you feel confused?
Trust yourself. Deep in your heart the answer you're searching for
is already there.

「きっとどこか、泣いた分の笑顔が待ってる」
...ってね？^_^

Mute

2007-02-25T12:36:00.000+01:00

Why is it that people
who have a voice
always hide their most beautiful words in their heart?

Proving Myself

2007-02-20T23:34:00.000+01:00

I'm gonna prove that this me
just the way I am right now
is able to stand alone
and pursue my dreams

This fall, I'm going to Tokyo for a year
And I'm gonna show
that no matter if I am clumsy, naive, easily getting lost
or what other weaknesses I may possess
I'm still able to stand up and do it right

In just the way I like it!

Mountain Air...

2007-02-17T17:16:00.000+01:00

...clears your mind and soul
Standing here
makes you see once again how small and fragile you actually are
Such realizations are needed from time to time

Honest Words

2007-02-14T20:59:00.000+01:00

The ones who are most honest with you
- are the ones who most care for you

Sometimes, what they say may not be to your liking
but nevertheless, they still tell

- because they are your friends
- and because they trust you to understand

Forever Friends - D-51

2007-02-10T13:14:00.000+01:00

踏み出すことを恐れないで
旅立ち　それを共に今と
これからも心にLAUGHしおう
変わることを恐れないで
再開そしてこの街が　ほら
いつだって僕らを待っているから

分かってるよ、君は強く、誰にも負けない人だって
弱音吐かず心配など必要ないって言いうんだろう
だけどいつか嘘にまみれ自分も見失った時は
どこにいても迷いもなくこの手を貸しに行くから

一人で立ち止まらないで
いつ、な、それを共に信じおう
いつでも心に舞おう
冷たい風に負けないで
未来、胸に僕たちは　ほら
同じ時を歩いてるから

だから、今の涙怒られないで
夢を捕み　いつかまた会う
その時互いに笑って会おう

SnOw RiDeR

2007-02-06T21:33:00.000+01:00

Now THIS is a cool shot of mine, isn't it?!^.~

Ok, I confess, it was taken last year BUT
in only 3 weeks i'm gonna hit the slopes again!
This is what keeps me going through these damn exams atm
this and YiDa Huang's "Set Me Free"
Then again
! LiFe Is HaRd だから HAPPY !
Chao ò.Ô ai ni

A Girl Is Gunning Down Romance

2007-02-02T17:10:00.000+01:00

This is a story I got told...
Once upon a time, there was a dreamy girl who was afraid to go out of her room. She feared that, once she came out, she'd get lost. At night, she lay awake on the floor and observed the shadows under the door, longing for one of them to stand still before her room and knock. She would open up and a shining prince would be standing there to catch her hand. Then she would have nothing to be afraid of anymore. But no matter how long the girl waited, she never got to hear that kind of sound. She felt really sad, though she told herself: "Maybe, the prince is just shy. After all, I can see his shadow passig by all the time". And so, she decided to come out of her room to talk to the prince. But outside, she realized that the shadows she saw under her door were nothing but from the branches of a tree. She had always waited for an illusion and nobody ever wanted to come to get her in the first place. In the face of that fact, she was not able to stop herself from crying and got stared at by all the strangers on the street. But nobody dared to approach her in these bitter tears.
Since the girl had now left her room, she could not return to it. She was so disappointed that she swore herself to never ever hope for love again and banned all feelings from her body. Then she tried to make a step forward - And got lost.

Just don't let a broken heart take control of you, you hear me?
We all need to continue believing in a prince or a princess.
Humans are not made to walk all alone through this world

Find your Pace

2007-01-31T19:33:00.000+01:00

What does a child make a child? What does an adult make an adult?

A child is innocent and pure, but also clueless and dependent on others. It doesn't think about the future.
As the child is growing up... it will get faced with choices to make. Rather clumsy and insecure, it will begin to move around in a new world of possibilities; sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.
And as time goes by... the little child becomes experienced, mastering it's own rythm of life. It realised that there will be consequences to it's actions. Whether it sees a clear future yet is not important. What matters is:
It feels safe and secure in what it is doing. This is why it can take it's own steps forward now without regretting anything.

And when the time comes that it is in need of a coffee every morning
...the child has become an adult

Well, for my case, I'm still getting my daily morning caffeine from a can of RedBull; so not totally evolved yet huh? ^_~

キミはペット

2007-01-27T14:37:00.000+01:00

A place where we could be our true selves
Someone who would unconditionally accept who we were
People need someone they can truly be selfish with
Someone whom we'd show our weaknesses, and even most embarassing sides.
As long as we look around us...
the place that is always close to us is actually the most precious

And if we know that the persons there will not betray us...
We can tell them a 100 % openly how much we love them

イシンデンシン

2007-01-23T23:58:00.000+01:00

どんな時でも皆同じ空の下で過ごしてる
すぐに　また　逢える
だっていつも僕らは繋げっているんだ

僕らはいつも以心伝心　^_^

Illusion lost

2007-01-20T19:14:00.000+01:00

I never thought it would hurt this much
I really didn't ... expect it... to be so serious
Why doesn't the pain go away?
There are things time just can't heal

So it's true, now I'm sure
There is no such thing as fate
You can only depend on yourself

Lesson learnt
I woke up from my dream
Still, I never thought it would hurt this much

The Price to Pay

2007-01-18T19:43:00.000+01:00

We angered Mother Earth.
Right now, Europe is getting literally blown away by a storm called Kyrill with 150 km/h. Most of the flights and trains got canceled. In Amsterdam 1600 litre petrol flushed into the sea. Glaciers of Switzerland melted back 700 meter. It's ferbruary and we barley had any minus degrees 'till now. It's about +10°C inspite of -10°C.
Earthquakes, Tsunami, Flooding, Bush Fires... Mother Earth can be as frightful and merciless as beautiful she can be.

I'm afraid. Seriously.
Is this the price we have to pay for living a life of ignorant, toxic waste?
If so, I fear that this is only the beginning...

Let us all pray together, eventhough it might be too late already

Die Welt geht unter und nur wir sind Schuld
Glaube uns, das haben wir nicht gewollt
Weiser, alter Mann, wenn es dich wirklich gibt
dann hilf uns, dann hilf uns!

Dance of Life - Life of Dance

2007-01-16T19:28:00.000+01:00

When I was a child, one day, I told my father
I didn't want to become like all these people.
Too boring, you know...
Those salaryman and office ladies you see at stations.
All working at the same pace...
I thought I'd rather die than to grow up to become just like them.
But he said to me:
"That's a step. People live, make a step...
keep on making steps...
and start to dance one day."

So, what I mean is:
Don't give up on daily life,
even if it's not the life you wished for.
And don't give up on yourself
- because you're not doing that bad.

それは突然、嵐のように

１リトルの涙

2007-01-14T22:03:00.000+01:00

You know...
Living is the greatest gift of all.
Even if you're unsatisfied
Even if you're down on your knees
Even if you think there is no way out

As long as you live .... as long as you live
there will always be hope

Don't forget there are people out there
to whom being alive is not a given thing
but a serious fight, every day
against pain
against death
against fear

And sometimes, when I think about this
I can't help but crying
for being as arrogant as to not realize how lucky I am

Nice View

2007-01-13T17:05:00.000+01:00

This is how it looks when an old chavelin stood too long downstairs in a garage and some young guys stand before the task to get it out of there:

Marvelous^.~

Küss um deine Jugend!

2007-01-12T20:12:00.000+01:00

Due to yet another one of these interesting articles about kissing, I've found such a scientific research:

While kissing 38 face muscles get activated! The result: better blood circulation which means less wrinkles!
Other facts:
You normally breathe around 20 times/minute. Kisses however demand 60 and more/minute --> good lung training!
Endophines such as adrenalin, dopamin etc are getting produced the moment lips touch --> Pain is immediatly forgotten!
Kissing is also the best anti-stress therapy since it reduces the production of the stresshormon kortisol.
And finally, you also get a sensual workout: a kiss (a real kiss, not the innocent kind) can burn off up to 18 calories!

In this sense:
Kiss for your health! ^__~ (not of course for the fun!^.~)

Don't blame but thank

2007-01-10T18:47:00.000+01:00

いつも誰かのせいじゃなくて　誰かのお蔭
そう思えたら折れかけた翼でどこまでも高く飛べたよ
だからお前のせいじゃなくて　お前のお陰
そう言いえたら君も羽ばたける　金色の空へ

The others are not always to be blamed, but to be thanked
Able of thinking this way
I flew high everywhere with my broken wings
That's why it's not your fault, but thanks to you
When you can think this way
You too will be able to fly into a golden sky

Warning (from Kame)

2007-01-08T18:37:00.000+01:00

女らしさは最高の罠
捕まちゃたら苦しいよ
誰も知らない
真実のバラ
腰を振るのはあなたの鼓動の中だけだよ
だから
お気をつけなさい
女は恐ろしい生き物よなんて

GoT tHe RhYtHm?!

2007-01-07T15:12:00.000+01:00

Because I don't. But what particular rhythm am I actually talking about? I definitively won't be lamenting about shaking your ass around a dance floor, hopping and laughing like an idiot.
I'm talking about my daily rhythm. Let me explain:
I've had holidays for two weeks now. And since I'm a natural no-goodie in getting up early in the morning, holidays always mean a big change. A big change of rhythm!
I wake up around 11 o'clock. No, alarm clocks won't get set when there's no need. So, this is just one of the many following chances for me to turn around, rearrange my cozy blanket and continue to sleep. At 2.30 in the afternoon, bed is finally getting too boring, so I get up. For the next 30 minutes I stand under the shower, washing away all the nicotine from clubbing the night before. Of course with water so hot that you could boil an egg in it! Then, music on an high level on and breakfast (that is, if you didn't go overboard in consuming alcohol. If so, a simple anti-hangover-pill will do). By now, it's around 4 o'clock. So I dress and call some friends to ask about tonights' plans. There's go-karting or shopping, biking, visiting people, diner and finally always a bar or a club. I come home around 3 o'clock in the morning, maybe have a midnight snack with my brother and some friends still not tired. 4 o'clock going into my room. I'm a person who cannot go to bed right away no matter how tired I am. So I'm watching a dorama or read a book and until around 5, I'm finally safe and sound asleep.
This is the present state!
Now to my problem:
In the description above, words like "learning", "university" or "exams" are merely mentioned. Well, actually non existing! But: tomorrow, my holiday will be over T-T So this means:
I have to postpone my sleepy time from 5 o'clock in the morning to 11 o'clock in the evening and reduce it from 10 hours to 7. ...
I believe the only solution is to stay awake to whole night tonight! I'll be tired tomorrow at school but I will be able to attain my rhythm again! Shock therapy hip-hip-hooray!

Playing games with the heart

2007-01-05T13:29:00.000+01:00

No matter how much you used me
No matter how much was fake
No matter if you've forgotten now
I'll always remember
the feeling of being with you
Maybe I knew from the very beginning
that we weren't meant to be
Still, I need to ask you just one more time
Won't you come home tonight?

But here I am, without you
And realize:
The only ones I truly fear are the ones I truly love
- because they're the only ones who can really hurt me

Yet, deep down inside of me
in my dreams when I'm asleep
in my dreams when I'm awake
I'm still talking to you
drinking at the bar and playing cards

Your memory is bittersweet
and I don't regret... and never will
"Thank you" did you say as we parted
Now it's my turn
...Thank you.... Thank you!

Hello Mr. Traveling Man

2007-01-03T00:24:00.000+01:00

願うのなら、望むのなら　立ち止らずに進もう
渡り歩く　この世界は　時に厳しいけど
まだ見えない　まだ知らない　道がそこにあるなら
夢は生まれ　ほんの少し　私を強くさせるよ

If you wish for something, if you long for something
then let us make our ways without resting
I wander this world that sometimes really is bitter
But if there's a way you may still cannot see and don't know about yet
then a dream will be born and little by little
it will make me stronger

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T04:06:00.000+01:00

Announcement

2006-12-28T21:42:00.000+01:00

I'm not gonna wait for someone to save me from a dull, boring life
I'm gonna do so myself
I have it in me
You have it in you
They have it in them
So don't let go. Move along!

I wanna believe in people
I'm gonna love and I'm gonna hurt
I'm gonna get loved and I'm gonna get hurt
Whatever the world will throw at me
I'm gonna take it on with anticipation

As long as I follow my heart
my way will clearly shine before me
Maybe I can't see where it'll lead yet
but I'm curious enough to find out!^_~

The lucky ones

2006-12-26T13:41:00.000+01:00

Imagine... as soon as 2007 will start... and everyone begins anew...
you'll be locked away.

This is what will happen with my friend. There was a time he made a mistake. Prison is his pay. 3 to 5 years.

While we all will continue to normally follow our way.. go out and play... have fun .. and work for our future
he'll stay in a vacuum of static time. No past, no perspective. No freedom, no own decisions. Only rules. And regret.
A caged bird. A black sheep. Locked away in the darkest corner of the country, only able to hope for some letters from the outside world in order not to loose sense of time.

Think of my friend everytime you choose to go out of the door. Because it's not as a natural given thing as we tend to pretend it is.

3 years are an unbelievable long time. What will you be doing by then? At least he will still be in his cell.
I wish for you a better 2007 that for my friend. Let's get conscious of our uncountable possibilities to live in this world. Let us respect and honour them. And no matter how unsatisfied or annoyed we are, let's keep in mind that the decision is ours. Since we are the lucky ones.

Kinder an die Macht by Christina Stürmer

2006-12-23T23:10:00.001+01:00

(Translation)
Armies out of Goldbears, tanks out of marzipan
Wars get eaten, simple plan, childlike geniously
There's no Good, no Bad
There's no Black, no White
There're only spaces between your teeth
and instead of surpressing
You'll get sentenced to lifelong consume of strawberry icecream
Always up for a surprise

Let the children take command!
They don't calculate their doings
The world beongs into children's hands
No more cloudy thoughts!
We'll be beaten down with laughters
Children to the power!

Today is supposed to be the best day of the year for a child! So let us all together get these innocent eyes to sparkle brightly as they watch the lights on the christmas tree!
A jolly christmas everyone!^_^

Lullaby of a left lover

2006-12-22T23:39:00.001+01:00

My feelings for you have
become deep and meaningless.
And if you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
Still...
Why do all the good things come to an end?

与えられた命を感謝しおう

2006-12-21T14:39:00.000+01:00

部屋に差し込む光が
何て気持ちいい朝なんだ
大きな伸びをしたら
涙と欠伸が出た
珍しく早く起きた
いい事ありそう、こんな日は
特に予定はないけど
今からどこか振り出そうか

真っ直ぐ輝くシサイドの
力ぬいた天を映ろう
365の昨日よりのさらに楽しくなる今日

Farwell to a prisoner

2006-12-18T22:10:00.000+01:00

今まで、色々な良い事も
悪い事もありました。
心の中に
その経験が映します。
胸にある重さは苦しすぎそう
自分を失いそうになる
時もあると思います。
それで、
強い心を持ちなさい。
君だけにある力を信じなさい。
人生は何度も色変えるから
頑張ってください

Bad Taste Party

2006-12-17T17:19:00.000+01:00

Haha, I just LOVE my friends! They're adorable, aren't they?! ^.~

Yuuki

2006-12-16T13:20:00.000+01:00

To comprehend the value of one year
- just ask the student who failed his etrance exam.
To comprehend the value of one month
- just ask the mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To comprehend the value of one week
- just ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To comprehend the value of one hour
- just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To comprehend the value of one minute
- just ask the people who missed their stop on the train.
To comprehend the value of one second
- just ask the one who managed to avoid an accident just in time.
To comprehend the value of one thenth of a second
- just ask the one who ended up with the silver medal at the Olympics.

The hands of the clock will continue ticking. Therefore, treasure every moment you have. And treat today as the utmost gift you'll have.

R

2006-12-12T23:33:00.000+01:00

Rereget
never trust, never try
Rage
never leash, never loose
Reality
never believe, never bother
Reason
never known, never kept
Rail
never go, never stay

Song for the Unloved

2006-12-10T19:56:00.000+01:00

Just do with it as you please
Tear it apart, hold it tight, I don't care
Since I'm willingly giving it to you
The power over me
For the only sake of
You knowing of my existence

~ so abuse, destroy, torture and hate ~
~ so caress, embrace, miss and love ~
~ so kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep ~

Supergirl by Reamon

2006-12-08T17:26:00.000+01:00

And then she'd say it's ok, I got lost on the way
But I'm a Supergirl and Supergirls don't cry
And she'd say it's alright, I got home late last night
But I'm a Supergirl and Supergirls just fly

夢で会えたら

2006-12-07T16:37:00.000+01:00

もし夢で君と会えたら、ずっと君の手を離さない。
そして、目が覚めて
「ああ、全部夢だった」と気づいている時
あの手がしっかり捕まるように、
まだその夢へ戻られる為に祈っています。
気づいていなければよかったのに。

Of one good man

2006-12-06T19:33:00.000+01:00

His whole life, he's been a simple, honest and hardworking man. My grandfather.
I think a lot about how it used to be.
We three kids went every weekend to the countryside to stay at my grandparents house. It's a good place.
We'd wake up, have breakfast with Grandma and then play all day long in the garden and the fields near the house with my cousins and the children from the neighbourhood.
By the time Granpa came home from the construction side, he would go for a bycicletour with us every evening. First he, leading the way, then my brother, me and my sister. We'd change order from time to time. We rode through fields and over rivers and when we'd get home after an hour or two, my grandma already made one of her tasty dishes.
It was a good time.
I try to think of it when I enter the clean withe room of the hospital my grandpa is now living in. I try to think of it when I look into his eyes and realize: He does not know who I am.
His world has become full of unkown faces and places. Only waiting for his brain and heart to finally give in... I've become afraid of him.
Can you at least remember what date it is today?
I'm sorry Grandpa.
Happy Birthday

Like A Cherry Blossom

2006-12-04T22:54:00.000+01:00

"Death is immoral, living is a prior duty"
Yet, they're trained to die
as instruments of the government
In front of a great enemy
desperately rearing up one last time
in self suicide attacks
Pilotboys with deadly freights
entrusting only their diaries
their angst, their hopelessness
"I hope the day will come,
when we don't have to kill people we cannot hate"
The only comfort in the idea
that their sacrifices will live on
save their children
be remembered through generations
and be forgiven
Inside the waiting loop of death
only granted a short life on this earth
and just like the cherry blossoms
ending at the peak of their beauty

their were called the Kamikaze

Orange Days

2006-12-01T11:13:00.000+01:00

She said:
I knew it was a one sided love, but it was my only love. I had treasured it inside of me. For a long time, I had always treasured it. Put it into my right hand and held it close to me.
But you know... when I opened my palm again, there was nothing. Emptiness. There was nothing.
Stupid, isn't it...

He said:
Hey... try opening your left hand... Am I there?

Harlequin

2006-11-29T21:24:00.000+01:00

Always sticking around, playing funny tricks
to the mind of a woman
Never leaving her alone with naughty stories
hush hush, softly trying to drive it off
the memory of her lovers
~ like a harlequin in an italian play ~

It's okay

2006-11-28T20:39:00.000+01:00

She smiles at everyone. It's easy.

What's really hard to her... is to cry before a person.
She doesn't want to show weakness. After all she has been brought up to be a strong, independent woman. This is what she wants to be.
Yet... as someone deeply touched her inner self...
She couldn't help.

And then, right before him, they silently fell from her chin
- as she cried the most beautiful tears he had ever seen.

Final Step

2006-11-27T21:56:00.000+01:00

Do you know what I mean?
And have you seen it too?
Do you know?
I'll do anything
just tell me what it means
this look in your eyes
but I already know I'll miss you
more and more each day of this life
'cause in them there is a longing
maybe I can't give you

did she tell him as he walked out, closed the door behind his back and was forever gone, leaving her all alone on that rainy night and for the rest of her life.

H2

2006-11-25T19:44:00.000+01:00